Monkeys for all

My current crop of monkeys were feeling a little down, it could've been all that whisky I was feeding them and the fact that they do nothing every day but try to take over the world but I think they are just soft. So I set out on an amazing venture to locate some new monkeys. These monkeys are infinitely superior as they will work for minimum wage while cutting the costs of whisky consumption in half. Plus they sound like a duck, reuters stole my article but I guess they got the gist of it right.