Tank for hire

I can't believe that I can't just hire a tank right here, instead I have to go over to the middle of nowhere (UK) and hire a tank. Looks like it could be a barrel of fun, literally if they load that gun up with some depleted uranium weaponry. They can crush cars for you, drive you to a wedding, teach you how to drive a tank, in fact all kinds of wholesome family fun. So get cracking and get me one of these for my next birthday.