Now its England's turn - plus includes London feature

How to review England, well bits of it that we've seen over the last few weeks anyway. Its like a whole other country from Scotland and also has a large banking crisis, kebab shops, pubs and claims to have invented haggis.

National gallery London

Its the big building behind Nelson's column. Often overlooked because too many people are out the front dancing in the fountains and harassing the staff at Lilywhites. Still an impressive collection of impressionism, really old art and paintings of giant horses awaited us inside. The cafe was pretty sweet though and a damned site tastier than the disappointing kebab on Edgware road the night before. Not as good as some, but still worth a gander. ***1/2 (3.5/5)

U2 Wembley 15 August 09

The giant claw was mighty impressive and the video screen inside moved and could unfold to become 8000 feet high. Plus the selection of songs was awesome, but the big let down for me was the crowd. Come on people, get with the program, you're at a concert not sitting about watching the sculling on the thames. So we were about 20 metres from the stage, standing at the front, but even then there was no craziness, just people standing around and clapping politely. Great music, but more action required. **** (4/5)

London Eye

Its really the millennium wheel, and they should've taken it down then. Nah, not really but its just a big ferris wheel. Plus its 17.50 quid a go, per person, per second. So its really, really expensive, first you queue a bit and then around you go. Great views, best done at dusk, and you really can see all of London. Houses of Parliament are especially amazing from the top. Considering walking up Eiffel Tower is 4 euro, it just ain't worth it. *** (3/5)

V&A museum

Its a huge museum filled mainly with artefacts including this amazing giant silver beer cooler which we took home for a fiver. Best bits included the jewellery collection, worst bits included nothing really. The whole place is amazing and filled with just heaps of stuff. Other museums take note, this is how it should be done. Plus the coffee was better than almost everywhere else. ***** (5/5)

Jamie Oliver's Fifteen Restaurant

I don't have a picture because I was too busy stuffing my face with the sublime food! Its like a dream menu made up of the greatest collection of interesting food stuffs all freshly prepared and at lunch time, not too much more expensive than many other places around. The collection of antipasti was unbelievable and the whole experience was intensely satisfying. I didn't like the decor, mish mash of modern and 70s chandeliers but overall pretty kick ass. ****1/2 (4.5/5)

The proms night 43, Ravel, Andriessen, Falla

The theatre is a sparkling mix of traditional decor and modern alien globes which are soon to hatch. The Ravel was stunning, the Andriessen a little weird and probably suitable for a b-grade horror movie and the Falla was like synchronised diving except in a theatre. All in all, a good night out, good value although I can't believe that people get the standing tickets for 2.5 hours on your feet at classical music. **** (4/5)

The lakes district and Keswick

Ha ha, fooled you, you thought it would all be London and fancy museums and restaurants, but no, a couple of weeks ago we were in England for the fun of the lakes district. Guess what its filled with lakes, quaint little villages, bad roads and terrible traffic. Cathedrals, coffee shops and cows also abound. Keswick is cool, with more stunning vistas, lots of waterfalls abound and it feels like a little holiday away from the real world. Carlisle isn't much of a town except for the cathedral and the seaside was pretty miserable when its pissing down. Worth a weekend away, but the scenery i better in Scotland. ***1/2 (3.5/5)

St Pauls

That's it, hiding away in amongst the blue neon and skyscrapers of the financial district. Its kick ass in a churchy kind of way. The 500 odd steps to the top are great, the inside is like a grand cathedral, which was exactly the way it should be. Its coming up on 400 years old and doesn't look at day over 200 and must've dominated the London skyline for so long that it become part of london. Well worth it, and probably better views than the eye! ***** (5/5)

UK at last - London

London, its like a big theme park with lots of free rides, cool sights and strange guys. A few days in the British capital with some friends was going to be a fun time! After the usual rigmarole of customs, cavity searches and duty free boxes of cuban cigars it was time to head over to Clapham. A quiet evening in with Paul and Lisa watching the champions league (4-4 my ass Chelsea and Liverpool) was the perfect start to a few days.

The next day involved the hassle of setting up a UK bank account and determining how many cornish pasty's to eat from the shops. Plus I had to find some chavs and determine why Chicken Tikka was actually England's national dish. The answer to that is that supposedly it was invented in the UK by a chef who was meant to be making curry but didn't have all the right ingredients so added some tomato and a few other things and bam, Chicken Tikka was born. Now sold approximately every 5 metres on the streets of the UK. After that it was time for some sight seeing, now for a change of pace I headed to the Churchill Museum and War Rooms.
Now see here, that's a real enigma machine, so don't worry we've got the code cracked and can determine where the next U-Boat attack is coming from. The war rooms have been largely untouched since the end of the war and are in ship shape condition for determining which convoy is the next to be sunk.

The Churchill museum which is attached to the war rooms is a look at one of the most loved (and hated) modern leaders. Its one of the most technologically advanced museums I've seen. This huge table is a history of Churchill's whole life and you can go around and select individual days to determine what he was up to. No, not what he had for dinner, but what monumental events he was involved in at that point. Anyway, I thought it was nifty and if you don't like it you can go to hell.

The evening was spent in a drunken state with Paul who ventured out with me on a pub-crawl of clapham. Now, this was an onerous undertaking helped by the a few fine single malts, the worst kebab in the history of the universe, a fine cuban cigar and a very late night. Suffice to say that the next day was spent largely sleeping and then catching up with some high quality wii gaming. BTW, the control system for PES2009 kicks ass. You can drag players around the field with the wii mote while moving another player, while scoring a bullshit bicycle goal. Classy.

Unfortunately my time in London was over all too soon, and it was off to Glasgow for the first part of my scottish adventure, aye.