World Cup goods can damage your health

Nooooooo, Mr President. That unauthorised soccer ball lion thingee from the world cup could potentially kill you. In some shocking news some non fifa approved merchandise may actually kill you!!!!! Now if this isn't the most blatant attempt in the history of blatant attempts to ensure that people only buy 'legitimate' merchandise. I dunno what is. The very article is so humorous yet so poor that it fills me with immense rage. I'm now going to buy as much legitimate merchandise as I can, find all the faults, injure myself and then sue the manufacturers and the world cup just to get back at them. I'll make millions, plus I'm guaranteed to get tickets to the final, right?

Thanks Mike

Security at World Cup

For all those hooligans heading over to the world cup (damn you all, where's my tickets!) here is a step by step guide to avoiding Security at the world cup. Well no, that wasn't the intention of the article but some crazy fans out there will probably take this article as some kind of guide on the types of things they need to avoid if they wanna cause trouble at the cup. I hope for everyone's sake that there is no violence at the world cup (except for perhaps some biff on the field) as the tournament is about the football, dammit, not you boat flare wielding maniacs.

Helping the blind see

As far as cool and useful products go, this seeing machine has to rank right up there with some really cool stuff like the cochlear implant and some other stuff that I can't remember now. I actually remember blogging about this ages ago but the blogger search engine can't find my post. Probably because I ended waffling on about aliens from a far away planet or something. 'Man, those aliens are really cool, did you see their spacecraft it was like some kind of flying saucer or something. Plus they looked like monkeys' Was probably how my post went.

Touchscreen Bar

Ooooh, I wish we had decent bars in Canberra. Instead of mooseheads and Academy we could be living the highlife with our very own Touchscreen Bar. It responds to drinks and people touching it and you can make it dance for your own amusement. I'm just wondering how long until this thing breaks when some drunken idiot smashes his beer down on the glass causing it to shatter into thousands of tiny pieces of expensive waste of money crap. Still it looks kind of cool now.

Thanks Chubb!

Chinese Steve Irwin

One thing that can be said about ye olde Steve Irwin is that despite dangling his children into a pit full of crocodiles he has managed to successfully avoid being made into mincemeat by the trusty, trusty crocs. Well enter some lamewad Chinese Steve Irwin who seems to take it on himself to bait the crocs into as much rage as possible. You know what's coming so just watch the damned video and stop reading about how much Sc1et0logoy Rul3z.

Steam Bot

Let alone the fact that there is a site where you can order all your robot underlings. They now happen to have a Steam Bot. This little sucker is a genuine steam powered monster that will terrify small children, pets and alien invaders alike. Pretty nifty for when the power goes out on all those electric robots you've got stashed in the back. Those EMPs will never be able to hurt your robot army of the damned now.

Three wheels are better than two

Yes, we're back with all the news that's new and improved. Like this fine three wheeled bike. So what could be better than a two wheeled motorbike? A three wheeled one, of course. What will they think of next? Maybe one day we will all be driving motorbikes with four wheels and enclosed capsules for keeping the rain off. These magical devices will be known as mp4s and soon the world will see that they are the greatest. Then we will make too many and pollute the world and run out of natural resources and be forced to live on banana plantations with only diseased Colobus monkeys for company. ohhhh, the humanity.

Dress up Maynard

Every loves the band Tool right? And with their new album "10,000 days" kicking ass all over the world what other reason could you need to Dress up Maynard! Actually this is one of the lamest sites I've seen in a while. The toolshed as a whole is awesome but why have they included this lame and pointless dress up thing that would've taken 10 seconds to put together. Come on people get a life, I mean look at this picture I created its gotta be crap if you can create images as bad as this.

Australia properly in google maps

Yeah baby, finally google have added proper maps of Australian cities into Google Maps so now instead of having to buy an overpriced street directory I'll be able to save my pennies by printing one directly out of the internets. I dunno if the search engine thingee is working properly it couldn't even find Giles St despite it being clearly marked on the Canberra map. Stupid google, I'm founding my own mega internet company, it shall be known as "the new coke"

Solid gold rocket TV

All my dreams of owning a solid gold rocket car have fallen apart and instead I'm left with this solid gold rocket TV that isn't in fact solid gold and does not actually contain a rocket (functional or otherwise). Plus at an asking price of 70,000 pounds I would've expected a lot more gold than just trim around the body and speakers. But you know, what are you going to do, commission another company to make a solid gold TV. Hang on, thats an excellent idea, I'll just ring pioneer and see what they can do for me.

How to beat traffic

Sure this study only corresponds to Houston and only on a very specific traffic route but it still provides some clear examples of some practices you could take to beat traffic. Optimising departure times from home/work seems to be the best way to avoid unwanted delays in traffic queues. So find out how to beat traffic here and see what you can do to save some valuable time. Still the best bet in terms of long term solutions is for people to stop driving cars but that doesn't seem that likely really, does it?

News stuff up

I love this story of a guy who went to the BBC for a job interview but was mistakenly put on air as an IT expert. Mr Goma, the 'guy' who was put on air answered a couple of questions about some apple lawsuit in the UK and supposedly didn't know anything about the topic and thought it was all part of some bizzare job interview process. I'm going to get some job interviews at tv stations and see if I can get on the air and promote the take over of the world by molemen.

Camera Truck

Yep, this is exactly what portable photography is all about. You can take this camera anywhere. Well anywhere that a truck can go, that is. In a really simple concept you take a truck, a pinhole camera and a giant sheet of photographic paper and come up with the Camera truck. So the truck is off around Spain in June and July to take a variety of huge frame pictures and will undoubtably provide a talking point for thousands of photographers everywhere. Pretty cool idea really.

Hooligans foiled again

No way man, every time a good soccer crowd gets together there must be chanting and general singing. But now 'scientists' (although I hesitate to call them that) have found that playing crowd noisees back with a delay stops hooligan's singing. Those hooligans never know what hit them and they stumble around in a confused manner without the ability to sing in tune. This is such a waste of an invention that I can't believe it. Remember there are only a limited number of inventions in the world and the more crap ones there are the less cures for cancer we get.

Google trends, terrorism

I didn't realise how much history of searches and stuff google kept in the old back room. Well go to google trends and you can see what people have been searching for, how much news there has been and all kinds of other stuff. I did this one on terrorism and found out that English speaking, Pakistanis from Washington were the ones most likely to be doing the searching. At least that's how I interpret these crazy stats.

Thanks Mike!

Power Tool Drag Racing

Yep, the title really says it all. Power tools can be used for a variety of purposes, from jackhammering outside your neighbour's house at 3 in the morning to Nail gunning your head to a coffee table. But now, you too can be involved in the hottest lamest new sport since extreme ironing, Power Tool Drag Racing. Just take your favourite power tool and head off to the nearest powertool drag race. Actually it doesn't look like the site has been updated since 2004 but what are you going to do?

I just had to put this picture in....

PlayStation 3 Specs

Although the article didn't actually contain any PlayStation 3 Specs I thought it was worth mentioning anyway. You know, coming out soon, not going to be an overheating piece of crap designed by microsoft. Actually going to have decent support from major gaming manufacturers. Might actually have a decent controller not some giant oversized impossible to use hunk of junk. These are the things sony needs to emphasise. Plus if it comes out with an interation of Gran Turismo, there is no way for it not to be a success.

Update live PS3 coverage from E3 all about the PS3. Enjoy...

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Yep, what you read in this title is correct. There is indeed a Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. And as an added bonus all new members receive a free can of alphabet soup. I vaguely remember this site from years ago, except that it was all text and really bodgy. Maybe I'm having other people's memories again or maybe I just remember some BBS I used to access with my 1400 baud modem. Feel the speed! Anyway the church is the perfect place to catch up with some worship and find out the real truth about evolution, global warming (lack of pirates) and heaps of other stuff.

Thanks Patrick!

Mashup Mayhem

As the number of mashups on the internet continues to grow people ask me all the time, why don't I just combine garlic and chilli in a hot pan with a little olive oil. Now if that didn't make any sense then neither will this mash up of Gandalf v Yoda in some kind of disco fight. If you thought my first sentence was perfectly ok then maybe you've had one too many monster munchies this morning, ok. So insane mash up or too many drugs, those are the only options for Friday.

Completely See Through Stuff?!

If its completely see through how will you know its there?? Thats what I want to know! If they make this stuff how many people will just try to walk through it and will severly injure themselves in the process. In fact there's probably going to be a class action about this product before its even released, and I'm the man to run it. Millions for all is my guarantee*! Anyway, what I can gather from this bodgy website and my excellent japanese is that this completely see through stuff is made by magic and pixies and should be available very soon.

*Not a guarantee

The Simpsons Movie, Yay!

This has been out for a little while but I forgot all about it. So for those that haven't seen it, this is the first release showing anything at all about the simpsons movie coming out in the middle of next year. Even Imdb has only very sketchy information so any further goodies about plot and stuff would be much appreciated. Mmmmmm, Simpsons

More optical illusions

Every day I get up and wish for some fine fine optical illusions. Mainly I want a killer headache so I can legitimately call in sick to work but sometimes I just wanna look at some cool stuff. So enter this Optical Illusions blog. It showcases the best and most interesting optical illusions from around the world. The problem I've found with most of these sites is that the content is usually old and boring. This website seems to be updated regularly and actually contains lots of stuff I've never seen before. Cool, eh?

Via J-Walk blog

Shock Therapy?

Its all fun and games until someone receives an electric shock. This 'game' means you take all the fun of regular arm wrestling and add in some electroshock therapy. Don't wanna lose, well now there's even more incentive because each time you lose you receive 40,000 volts of fun. Ok, maybe it ain't 40,000 but the website doesn't tell me how much jolts you'll be getting. Still, I reckon we should get a few sets of these and take em down to the pub.