EXCELLENT ACTIVE SUPER AMUSIVE PLAY!!

Super happy fun mega excitment wish corporation presents the extremely addictive worls of excellent active super amusive play. This strange list provides a wide variety of interesting products much like the turkey and gravy soda of last week or the collection of japanese softdrinks from a few weeks ago. Now I'm not just posting this for the hell of it and that beer from before went down mighty smooth, so get out there and read. Each click on my blog gives me $500 in unmarked bills delivered to the dumpster behind my house on the next full moon. So get clicking!

Make A Virtual Ice Cream Cone

Since Chubb was demanding a virtual icecream site here is a really crappy one. With dodgy CG and an interface designed for a 3 year old this site is guaranteed to keep you amused for approximately 1 sec. This was the worst idea in a history of bad ideas, I'm heading back to the hot tub to keep people amused with humorous anecdotes about mooses, or should that be moose? I dunno, hell I need a beer or maybe a virtual ice cream.

Vodka RedBull Indoor Soccer

After much soul searching I have decided to publish to rules of a stupendous game known as Vodka Redbull Indoor Soccer. Additions to the rules are welcome and should be left in the comments section. I make no judgement on the safety of playing the game nor accept any liability for any injury caused while playing Vodka Redbull Indoor Soccer.

To play you will require one standard game of indoor soccer (futsal will do at a pinch) and a large collection of vodka and redbull.

-The vodka and the redbull should be premixed in a 1:1 ratio.
-Each shot shall be a standard 30ml shot.

1 shot penalty.
Score a goal (standard)
Concede a goal while goal keeping
Blatant error including miscontrol etc
Abusing the ref
Allowing the opposition to dance past you while defending and score.
Either coming off or going on as a substitute

2 Shot penalty
Score a goal (header or with your non favourite foot)
Receive a yellow card
Injure a member of the opposition team

3 Shot penalty
Score a goal (crotch or other strange body part)
Receive a red card
Injure a member of your own team.

4 Shot penalty
Score a goal (bicycle kick)
Score a basket in the netball rings (if applicable)
Injure the ref
Dog on the field

Additional Rules
The third quarter is the beer quarter, all shots shall be replaced with beer.
In semi-finals and grand-finals all shots are doubled.

All heart attacks and palpitations caused by consumption of redbull are the responsibility of the player. Redbull recommends you only drink two cans a day but personally I'd say 20-30 is more appropriate. If you do have a heart attack or palpitation that is an additional 5 shot penalty.

Combo Moves
Combining two of the above skills will results in doubling of the number of shots. Eg. If you score a goal while abusing the ref (1+1 shots) you'll actually have to do 4 shots.

Combining three of the above skills will results in tripling of the number of shots. Eg. If you score a header goal (2 shots) while injuring the ref (4 shots) and there is a dog on the field (4 shots), for a total of 10 shots, you'll actually be required to complete 30 shots!

This system continues up to any number of combined skills.

Enjoy!

The Simpsons - The Complete Fifth Season DVD

Surprisingly this year may see the release of another collection of simpsons episodes!! The Complete Fifth Season is due for release in the US before the end of the year. Who knows when that'll actually arrive in Australia, probably sometime a month or two later but none of the DVD sites in Australia are listing it yet. Anyway we are finally getting into the really kick ass episodes including; Homer's barbershop quartet, the junior camper episode and the springfield casino!

100 things every guy should know

Since the internet has provided me with so little amusement I'm forced to continue to steal links from the j-walkblog. So Maxim online has provided a fine list of 100 things every guy should know. Now it sounds like an awful lot of stuff to remember particularly after taking that home wine making course but I'm sure most of them are stuck in your mind already.

Beware the heavy american bias though.

Everything Tastes Like Chicken

Generally I disagree with the theory that everything tastes like chicken. I mean there is stuff that is similar to chicken but the assumption that most meats taste like chicken is just crazy. I think the theory probably started because chicken is one of the more common foods that was eaten that didn't have a particularly stron flavour unlike beef or pork for instance. So from this we get the feeling that anything that is slightly non descript actually tastes like chicken. Well this site basically does a bit of research into why they believe that stuff tastes like chicken and draws a pretty funky relationship graph between a wide variety of species.

Via J-walkblog

Coffee Beer to be launched in UK

So the official site of meantime brewing doesn't mention is but this is the second article I've seen about brewers adding coffee to beer. Now I know its no redbull beer but you can make that yourself. This beer is supposedly more for the gourmet minded who are interested in sampling an unusual and interesting product. So if you wanna sit around and get heart palpitations this might not be the product for you.

Aussies are fatter than Americans?!

Now this is guaranteed to be accurate reporting, the Tasmanian Mercury referring to some study in 2002 that seems to show that Aussies are fatter than Americans. Now there are some real beefcakes out there sure but there'd no way in hell we are competing with texas and all those other southern US states. See here if you want to read the article, they reckon the study is going to be published in a reputible scientific journal. Uh huh.

More office mayhem

Continuing on yesterdays theme of dodgy office products to provide hours of amusement while slaving away at your desk comes the Firewheel. Now the name just isn't accurate because there is no fire involved at all dammit but what it doesn do is act like some kind of machine gun for firing rubber bands. Sweet.

Wholesale Novelties

All you office pranksters out there here is a fine site providing a wide variety of crap you can use to annoy the crap out of people around the office. Interesting items include novelty staplers that give people electric shocks and beer money. So look here for all your novelty items and be prepared to get the crap beat out of you in the carpark after work.

Why we still love the Simpsons

Many of you out there in the worldful land known as the internet struggle to understand my neverending obsession with the simpsons. Well because I'm a lazy bumb and couldn't be assed writing a list of reasons myself here is a list of 16 reasons to still love the simpsons. My personal favourite reason is the fact that regardless of what episode is on or how many times you've seen it, there are always new laughs and new things you haven't noticed.

Jumbotron at home

I decided I would need a new TV so here I was shopping on ebay and what should happen to popup but a jumbotron. Imagine having one of these in the living room for that next major match. Or you could hook it up to a pc or ps2 for some seriously large gaming action. Sheez man there's a practically limitless amount of things you can do with this sucker! Plus the starting bid is only 10K, which is actually pretty damn cheap.

Turkey and Gravy Soda

Now I don't remember if I linked to the turkey and gravy soda before and I ain't searching through the archives to satisfy everybodies curiosity but this fine review details the many benefits of the soda. Along with its stablemates cranberry soda, mashed potato soda, greenbean casserole, and fruitcake flavour. Mmmmmmm tasty, I could go for one right now, maybe washed down with a nice tasty glass of meat.

Now remember what homer said "You doctors have been telling us to drink eight glasses of gravy a day!"

Resident Evil 4 Chainsaw Controller

So you like killing zombies in resident evil and you have way too much money well this fine chainsaw controller is the answer to all your problems. WIth all the buttons of a regular game cube controller plus added blood splattering for fun! Sounds like a good idea for the mega rich with nothing better to spend their money on than foolish controllers. See all you zombies in hell punks.

Cardstacker is insane!

Stacking cards is quite a difficult skill but these guys manage to make it look easy. There are heaps of cool things made out of cards and I dunno if they use glue or anything but if not these are some amazing card stacks. Freaky man!

Virtual Bartender

So you're sitting around bored and you want a beer well enter the Virtual Bartender. Besides the standard commands like beer, there's a whole world of other amusing and perhaps NSFW commands that you can try. A lot more amusing than some of the links around here and its interactive too!

Oh My God It Burns!

Drinking cheap vodka generally burns but these crazy cats decided to buy some cheap ass vodka and use standard water filters to remove the bad taste. It seemed to work however I'd have to say that most filters when used with strong alcohols would generally degrade and you'd probably end up drinking bits of filter but you know whatever, the vodka tastes better.

Uefa approves artificial pitches

Artificial pitches, crazy drunken refs whats next!! So Uefa approves artificial pitches, now I have nothing against artificial pitches in general but they really are not the best srufaces for soccer. They generally have far too much bounce and the ball just slides along on them. They are great for hockey and maybe even american football but soccer!?!??!?!? I don't think so signore.

Live like a snail

Here is an interesting creation that enables you to live like a snail. You can push it around, use it as a boat, sleep in it and do whatever else you feel like doing in your shell. Seems like its a bit too small to me, sure you might not be expecting a giant 45 acre house but you at least expect a little more room that it gives you. The guy in the photo looks like he'd hardly fit inside.

Crazy Asian Drinks

Here's a pretty cool site that reviews a number of Crazy Asian Drinks. There are some fine drinks in there including the basil seed drink - with honey. Which actually sounds ok, I had a basil seed martini once it was actually damn tasty, but that could have been all the vodka that was in it.

Via J-walkblog

Johnny Warren Dies.

In a loss to Australian soccer and to all fans around the world Johnnie Warren passed away over the weekend. THE The World Game has some facts and figures on his career and his impact on Australian soccer. Rest in peace Johnnie, I'll always remember your combination of advanced hair with a variety of dyes.

George W.Bush Bronze Bust

Oh baby, here is what everybody need right now a George W.Bush Bronze Bust. Its only $2000 or something and captures the pwezident in all his glory. You could even get one and then melt it down for your own amusement.

OMG WTF Tenacious D in Aus

So you think you knew it all, so you think you are bigger than the man well look here punk because Tenacious D are coming to Australia. Two shows only. The link I put up is kind of dodgy and only links to the tour page because of the stupid way tenacious D have setup their website. If you wanna see the whole site just go here. It will be the greatest rock show in the history of the universe..... or will it be a tribute?

US fighter jet fires on school

I love the american military, they provide hours of amusement for the whole family. This was certainly no exception, a jet fired on a school supposedly during a training mission in new jersey. The pilot was supposed to fire on a target 5km away but somehow managed to mistake a school for the target zone. Genius.

This picture is just stupid. WHy wouldn't the F-16 just fly on its own?

So you want to move to Canada?

Since the demand for posts about how to move to Canada has been overwhelming I thought I'd include a nice articel that explains how frustrated americans can escape from their new prison and join the real home of the free, in Canada. So click on the free day pass to have a look and work out how in hell you can escape from GW clutches and join the commonwealth. Sweet.

Boing Boing: My Modest Proposal: The U.S.A.R.�

So I've been seeing a lot of proposals on splitting up the US into two halves or making the northern states part of Canada or something because so many democrats are pissed off with the election result. This interesting proposal basically splits the US up into red and and blue countries. An interesting idea and a whole lot better than the current US craziness.

Pen Tricks for you to practice

Now everybody loves twirling pens, sitting at work there's nothing finer than wasting a couple of hours spinning away. Now these punks have it all worked out and can do crap that you and I can only dream of. Now I just have to work on my pen twirling skills for the next 80 days and I'll be set.

Thanks Chubb!

The Nixie Tube Wristwatch

So I must return from my despair at GW winning the US election and continue with blogging crap for all you suckers out there to have a look at. Well here is a fine looking watch, that uses those cool cold war glowy things (not LEDs) to provide the light. Some kind of gas thing that glows when you push a button to tell you the time. $495 US seems like an awful lot of cash to splurge on a watch regardless of how funky it might look.

Also this krazy watch seems to use krusty brand batteries. Now don't ask me but thats the kind of thing that the Simpsons seem to like suing on. Remember Duff beer, the actual beer that was released in the mid 90's or something. It lasted like a week before it was pulled from the shelves.

George W wins again

So despite all the predictions and all my hardcore polling of the electorate that indicated a Kerry victory. George W has won again.. Goddamm it, here I was hoping that maybe americans weren't as stupid as they make out or maybe that someone would strike Bush down from above but I was wrong. Well america, all I can say is you chose your destiny. When you realise in four years time that your national debt has sky-rocketed to such a degree the US economy will collapse, that you are stuck in a quagmire of a war you cannot win, when you have no civil rights left then think back to today and enjoy what you have done.

Screw you world, I'm going to go live in a cave in the NSW mountains, no one will get me there. muahhahhahhahah

Hey remember this.......

You may remember this post about how the Washington Redskins final home game before the election always predicts the result of the US election. Well the visiting side won!!! Go Greenbay, which means well at least according to history means that the incumbent party will lose the election. This is the first real sign of hope for me that maybe George W is on the way out!!