The sensomatic love car

You love your car right? You sing to it at night and dance the tango while moonlight glistens off the water in the background. Well maybe not but now there is a car that can sense your mood and adjust accordingly. The Rinspeed Senso (crappy name) runs on natural gas and measures the drivers pulse and movements, and then adjusts the colours, music, fragrances and other crap while your driving. Supposedly to cut down on road rage and make you feel better but really it would make you angry. Imagine that it starts spraying perfume in your face and playing happy music after some jerk cuts you off.... it'd make you so mad you'd want to destroy your own car in a fireball of rage.

Plus its heller ugly.

Mmmm Alcohol Without Liquid

Reaching back into the dank darks days of 2004 I remember a particularly enjoyable product that claimed to be able to let you sample all the joys of alcohol without the need to actually drink. Instead the alcohol is vaporised and you inhale it, leaving you mighty drunk and supposedly hangover free. Well despite my continual attempts to try out the equipment at home I have been unable to make my own version using my oven, a pogo stick and an oversized hampster that I found in the trash. Enter the answer to all my problems, < a href="http://www.awolspirit.com>AWOL the company that makes the product is finally releasing a single user machine. Previously all they had was expensive multi purpose machines for use in bars and clubs. Now I know what to purchase duty free on my next trip overseas as a present for everyone!

The Razzies are back

Most people by now are familiar with the Razzies, the dodgy Oscars for the worst film performances of the year. Personally I find them a lot more interesting than the real oscars which (in recent times anyway) has become nothing but a feel good celebration for minority groups and nerds. Well I missed this a couple of days ago but the official Razzies Results are out. Including Halle Berry winning for worst actress for Catwoman (which also won worst film) the Razzies are a constant source of amusement. The strange thing was that this year Halle Berry actually bothered to show up to collect her prize and claimed ""When I was a kid, my mother told me that if you could not be a good loser, then there's no way you could be a good winner". Recognising when something is shite is perhaps more important then lauding someone for a clearly outstanding performance.

Taser Videos

Since I'm a lazy hobo I'll keep stealing links from BoingBoing, up next comes this interesting collection of taser videos. See what really happens when a mental patient makes death threats and has to be tasered, or when a bull needs a tasering. Actually I've always been kind of curious about what actually happens to someone when they get zapped and here are all my answers. So fire up those broadband connections and get downloading! I heard that there is still like a 5% mortality rate when using tasers because the people using them go crazy and give too much zap. Dunno if its true or if I'm just remembering that strange dream I had where I was tasering Steve Martin for the reduction in quality of his comedies.

Coolest Knife Rack Ever

This knife rack (I guess that's what you call them) is just plain awesome. I dunno which school of graphic design the designer went to or what drugs they were on at the time but goddam I want one. Imagine the anger you could get out just by sheathing your knives in a human shaped body. Freaky, and if you wanted really weird you could dress it up like your most hated person and use it as a voodoo doll.

DIY Exhaust Flame Thrower

A DIY Exhaust Flame Thrower kit, right. Sounds like the smartest invention since some genius attached a rocket to his car and called his Chev a spaceship. Well anyway if you liked the look of the flamethrowing hearse and were wondering where to start on building your own then look no further. This can't be good for the people behind you or for your own car either. But if you really gotta have your own batmobile, go for it.

Human Cyborgs Right Now!!

I've seen a few news articles about this and I've been working on some similar technologies for the genetic super monkeys but turns out they all beat me to the punch. Here it is the first cyborg eye! I've seen a few news articles about this and supposedly you can't really see much besides broad colours and shapes but hell I'm sure in 10 years we'll all have a zoom function using our own cyborg eyes. Kick ass!

Commodore 64 Revisited

I dunno how many people out there in game land had ye olde Commodore 64 but I remember it well. With extrememly long load times, even with the floppy disk and some classic games there was nothing finer. Well now the power of the C64 can be yours in a plug in joystick, that has 30 commodore games preloaded onto it for your gaming amusement. Of course there are a bunch of emulators out there but they just dont have the same feel as a real joystick and dodgy graphics.

Star Wars Landspeeder

I don't think its Uranium powered but this Star Wars Landspeeder would still make an awesome buggy for cruising around the golfcourse or your own 400 acre private Nature Reserve. Built by modifying a Harley Davidson it supposedly runs well and comes fully equipped with 2 light sabres for fighting off your Sith Lord enemies. It also comes with a built in PA for making foolish announcements in a darth vader voice or for use as your own personal rapmaster 3000. People do the most ridiculous things....

Via Boingboing

Looking to buy some Uranium

So you want some Uranium Ore, well you've come to the right place. Supposedly United Nuclear will supply to "the science hobbyist, industry, government, schools & universities". So as I read it that means you can go along as a hobbyist and order all kinds of Uranium Ore. Sure you'll have to refine it yourself but think of the possibilities. Soon all the weapons and reactors you ever wanted could be yours and that plan of world domination is one step closer to completion.

What really got me was the picture though.....

Martial Arts Video

Fresh off the presses this morning comes this fine video showcasing Wushu. Now I dunno what the hell Wushu is but I do know that these guys are freaking insane! Some of the moves they can pull off are unbelievable and its all done without wires. Some day the karate chimp will be able to rival these fools.

Thanks Chubb!

Gran Turismo 4 Reviews

Goddammit, I saw GT4 while in Japan, only to realise that it wouldn't work on my Aussie PS2, so instead I'm forced to subsist on innuendo and reviews from the rest of the world. Here is one review that really likes the game despite the fact that its missing an online version. For me the online version isn't the key, instead its the constant hours shaving milliseconds of your times to pick up the next supercar from the lot. This Review gives scores and goes into a lot of detail as well as providing links to movies and screenshots. Oh yeah and the Australian release date for all those curious souls, 10 March 2005. So soon and yet so far away.

Gay Simpsons Announced!

Besides Waylan Smithers you fools!!! I heard rumours a while back that this season of the Simpsons would reveal a gay character and it turns out to be true. I dunno if I should reveal it all to you, while we wait for the next 8 months to find out here in Aus, but I guess I will. Turns out its Patty, arrgh Patty. Actually this is pretty lame and nothing compared to the suspense of "Who Shot Mr. Burns" and other fine moments in the Simpsons. Actually I vaguely remember revealing this before but that was a long time ago and my memory is shot from all this mescaline. Plus I couldn't be asked searching through the history to find out.

Scientists are Crazy

This won't be of interest to all of you out there in the internets but it is an interesting article written by a Biologist entitled "Can a Biologist fix a radio?" It goes on to ponder the differences between the studies of physics and engineering compared to Biology. Basically it encourages the development of a unified biological language similar to that used by Electrical Engineers. Ok, its not up to my usual standard of karate chimps or flame throwing hearses but we all need a little education every now and again. Right?!

Dr Gonzo leaves us

Hunter S Thompson, a pioneer of modern journalism and a man with a serious bat problem has left the world of the living. He committed suicide in his home yesterday. He will be fondly remembered by me for his crazy book "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" and the stupendous film that followed starring Johnny Depp. The link goes to some strange memories and stories about Hunter S Thompson (You might have to watch an ad). Although his work wasn't always accurrate, it certainly was interesting and I recommend you all read fear and loathing and see the movie because they are both equally good in different ways. I wonder what was going through his mind when he killed himself, maybe he was pondering the state of the world day or more likely he was high on another ether bend.

Just remember, there is nothing as depraved as a man on an ether bend!

Caffeinated Lip Balm for Freaks

With a name like spazzstick and a mildly annoying flash page you could be forgiven for thinking that Spazzstick would be a complete waste of time. Well you'd be wrong, just think of the possibilities caffeine and lip balm. Well pretty much there are no possibilities besides the ability to add caffeine to your lips while keeping them moist. Sounds stupid to me, dont you actually have to injest the caffeine for it to have any effect.

Via Boingboing

Dogs licking toads

In today's contest for most bizarre headline comes the story of dogs in the Northern Territory who have been licking toads to get high. See I warned all of you about this last week when I claimed that toad-licking was the next big thing. Well maybe these dogs have been purchasing the online toads because they were too high to get up off the couch. Maybe I've been licking too many toads and have decided to sprout random theories about toads and maybe soon my genetic super toads will be ready to take over the earth.

Lamborghini Concept Car

In a bid to become one of the most ridiculous looking cars on the market the Lamborghini Concept S is born. The split cockpit down the middle is pretty cool and I'm sure they would put some incredible performance under the bonnet but seriously people it has nothing on the flame throwing hearse.

Sibology Rivals Timecube

Now I'm sure all of you out there recall TimeCube, everybodies favourite wacko weird propoganda site with a bunch of strange theories that make no sense if you think about it for a while. Now there is another somewhat similar website, sibology. I say somewhat similar because the exact aim of the page is pretty difficult to describe. It seems to be a somewhat political site but also seems to dabble into physics and all kinds of other weird crap. I can't really explain the enormity of it but I can say that according to the website, life on mars was discovered six years ago by Slaughter Engineering. Go and look at the site and see what amazing theories you can find.

This is an amusing picture from their theory that Australia was transplanted out of Asia using uplifitng land transfer technologies.



Via J-Walk Blog

Freaks of Nature!!

Yes, now for something completely different from my usual pathetic ramblings! This gallery of Freaks of Nature is one strange website. Designed mainly with reptiles in mind you can see a whole bunch of two headed snakes and all kinds of other stuff. It contains a lot of pictures you've probably seen elsewhere on the web but its an interesting collection anyway. mmmmm six legged cow, now thats a lot of beef.

Hong Kong Drivers Use James Bond Technology

Those crazy racers in Hong Kong have been up to some pretty funky tricks like fitting flippy number plates to their souped up death machines so they can race without fear of retribution from the evil speed camera government. Well the article really isn't very interesting but its cool anyway. You don't think its cool, well fine be that way. Thats it I'm going to Moes.

Dogs-playing-poker paintings fetch $590,000

Everyone knows the dogs playing poker pictures. They are probably one of the best known pictures from the modern era, but what you probably didn't know is that they are from a series of 16 paintings (9 of which show dogs playing poker) that artist Cassius Marcellus Coolidge was commissioned to create for a Minnesota-based advertising company in 1903. Well thats according to MSN anyway, and who knows how accurate they are. Anyway two of the paintings fetched almost $600K, pretty sweet I reckon. See here for the details and some pictures which show dogs playing poker. Oh god, they're dogs and they're playing poker. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Flamthrowing Hearse

Continuing the theme of weird and strange vehicles that inhabit the world around us comes the Flamethrowing Hearse. It looks just plain freaky something like a modified tank / blues brothers car. Although performance from the flame-thrower isn't exactly stunning there is supposedly plans to ring the whole vehicle in flames which would look pretty damn cool. Anyway I'll leave you to ponder whos house you would take out first using this death machine.

I PIty the Fool

I pity the fool that doesn't immediately head towards the Mr T Soundboard. I can't for the life of me work out why the page is titled Economic Experiments at Griffith University but who gives a damn. Its Mr T and he's talking. Fools, get to the site right now and amuse yourself for many hours.

Thanks Dan!

Bufo alvarius Psychadelic Toads for Sale

Supposedly psychadelic toads are all the rage, Homer even managed to lick a few on his crazy missionary expedition to the pacific isles and now they can be yours to own. Although currently out of stock the Bufo alvarius toads secrete a powerful hallucinogen known as 5-MEO-DMT and you can buy yourself a breeding pair to ensure that you have a constant supply of trusty toads. You might want to take a look around the whole site because they've got a bunch of other weird stuff to sell.

M&M Sorter

Each day I'm forced to question my sanity with a new range of weird and stupendous products from around the world, one such example of this is the M&M sorter. I mean seriously who the hell really needs to go around sorting M&Ms into colour. What kind of crazy fool came up with this idea and what exactly possessed them to release it to an uncaring and highly dubious market for $168. Damn you snow......

Season 5 of The Simpsons

So we finally have got a damned release date in Australia for season five of the simpsons. Damn straight and its the 23rd of March so that means all you punks out there can snap purchase 8000 copies in advance and leave me desolate and without my simpsons. Anyway to look at the shiny box with all the special features and stuff look here. But I want it now!

Game Cock Boxing

So you like chickens pummeling each other with masterful blows of razor sharpened claws to the head? You want the action of cock fighting but can't stand the blood. Well enter Game Cock Boxing. A safe way to ensure your private cock doesn't die in a freak ring incident by fitting fighting chickens with damn gloves or some such nonesense. Supposedly it is to overcome the nefarious and draconian laws which prevent the humane and lovely form of cockfighting from occuring most places around the world. Dammit this is a stupid idea and I can't even think of anything interesting to say about it. Half the fun of the cockfight is cooking up the bird after the fight while downing a few cases of tequila. Oh the humanity!

Dammit there were no pictures of these so called gloves which makes me think its mighty dodgy.

Evil Plans Rule

So I've returned from the world of the yakuza. After being kidnapped by a bunch of honda riding yakuza generals with some serious tattoos I was forced to live in a cave subsisting off a thin stew made from fish, prawns, lobster, 3 kinds of noodles, vegetables and rice. I spent my time formulating a plan for world domination (thanks Dan) and eventually was able to escape to my obisidian citadel in the clouds. No wait, that could have just been the acid flash backs from nam. Hang on a minute here I'm back in Canberra and can already feel the energy leaving my bones. Soon I will be a shell of a man with nothing to keep me occupied but this blog and plans to assasinate the sasquatch. Photos and Crap from my trip will be online at some point when I get around to it. Expect many updates in the days to come.