Automatic Beer!

This has gotta be the greatest invention in the history of the universe. Well except for those break-dancing robots that accidently killed millions of people. Is the Smart Beer Coaster and as you gradually empty your giant beer it senses when you are coming to the end and automatically wakes up your monkey butler or robot honcho to come and refill your glass. No more waiting in line at the pub you just drain your beer and another one magically appears. Hang on, this idea is actually damned stupid, the cost of the coasters would surely raise the price of beer and that just couldn't be allowed as it would make me drink less beer.

Tenacious D

It hell o'late and all I wanna do is watch some hell o'clock news, which provides mild level of amusement and absolutely no information on the new Tenacious D movie. All we know is that "The Pick of Destiny" is going to be the greatest movie ever and will provide me with a reason to buy some more D related merchandise

The end of the world

Google Earth has become everyone's favourite tool over the last few months. I mean what better way to spend a few hours than looking up some cool sites of strange places all over the world. Try the middle east for some especially detailed pictures of certain countries. I mean in Paris you can focus down and see individual people and although some of the pictures are out of date there is a wealth of information out there. So what about army and airforce installations? Supposedly the end of the world is just around the corner if you look at all the cool military hardware left carelessly lying around for satellite spying. This report goes into some of it, but I think with a few hours searching you could easily find GW's secret stash of tanks.

World's Most Expensive Cars

Mmmmmmmm the World's Most Expensive Cars 2005. I dunno which one or ten I would choose but any of them would be useful if someone was looking to give one away. Supposedly these types of cars are rarely driven and suffer from frequent breakdowns because basically people are buying them purely for show.

Mmmmm Saleen S7

Men of the internet

Spied any of your relatives recently. Maybe uncovered a long lost uncle, well the men of the internet are the relatives you never knew you had. They all look warm and friendly and their cheerful smiles and happy go lucky personas will ensure you stay amused throughout the most boring of days. Most of them actually look like IT nerds and their contribution to the world of the internet (especially the comedy side) cannot be overlooked. So next time you're looking for a super insulting picture to attach to your latest email you know where to go.

Via J-Walk Blog

Random Songs

Man, I wish a random song juke-box would actually play random songs rather than playing the complete works of boney M when there are 13,000 other songs on your jukebox. Well here is the science behind why random songs aren't random. It's all because people are stupid, see stupid. Nothing to do with computers being nothing but braindead machines but just because people are stupid.

Back on Wednesday next week so no updates till then!

Doom RPG

I can't really see how a doom roll playing game would be anything compared to the original yet here it is. The turn based game will enable you to enter the doomworld in a lame ass attempt to be some kind of levelling character and stuff. Now if that doesn't make any sense, don't blame me, blame the faries that have inhabited my cranium for the past three weeks. The only saving grace for the Doom RPG is that it can run on mobile phones and will keep you squinting at your screen for days on end.

Big and Small Ads

So by now every single person in Australia must have seen Carlton's big ad, but many of you may not be aware that there is another ad, its a small ad and is an amusing take off of one of the best ads of the year. So fire up your broadband connections and download some amusing ads! Personally I prefer the big ad but you know, whatever. Arrrrgh Pirates!

Ant Kendo

I suppose that ants must also play kendo for fun, and to practice I guess you need a game called ant kendo. It's quite difficult to work out how to win initially but with hours of practice young grasshopper you too can become a kendo master. Basically you take your stick and start whacking the other ant but its good for 5 minutes of amusement.

Space Adventures

No, I'm talking about some pov 1980's game where you get to control captain comic on his adventures through buttland. Instead these are real Space Adventures. You can sign up for a variety of missions with a variety of ridiculous prices. I'm super keen to sign up for this kind of mission, so if everyone can kindly leave a few thousand dollars in my paypal account we'll all be happy. If you can't quite manage a few thousand than every little bit helps and I guarantee to put all amounts less than $500 on black at the casino in an attempt to double my money.

Give GW a brain

We all know that GW is severly lacking in the cranial department. I mean his lack of knowledge of any country outside US borders has been documented many times. Well now you can help the leader of the free world to get a brain. All you have to do is grab a brain and then carefully drop in into George's empty cranium, it sounds simple, right? Well, GW is a crafty bugger and he often escapes from your carefully brain placement through sheer incompetence. So get braining, and make the world a better place.

Big Metal Hair and Chimps!

Everbody likes metal, I mean who could live without the dulcet tones of opeth, poison and other metal legends. Well now the internets have provided us with the komplete kollection of krustified big metal hair. There are some fine pictures on here and the best thing is that its free, all free! Maybe these drugs are finally affecting my brain but I dunno, maybe detective chimp can solve all my problems as well as providing me with millions of dollars in loot.

Thanks Ingi and Mike!

Nanobots and other fun

I don't have much to say about nanobots except that they must not exist because I can't see them. Sure doctors are claiming they'll solve all your problems and its claimed that terrorists could use them to take over financial markets destroy the world. Well these nanobots are the smallest yet and they can do cool things like cook your breakfast and remove all cancer cells from your tar infested lungs, guaranteed*.

*not a guarantee

5 blades dude

When I came into work this morning and saw that Gillette was releaseing a 5-bladed razor with two lubricating strips, I could hardly control myself. I immediately drove home and proceeded to destroy all my three bladed razors in a fit of rage. Then I realised that this was probably a bad idea and would force me to go for months looking like ape man unless I purchased some new razors. I mean really, 5 blades, what the hell are you meant to do with that. Maybe you could take them on planes and then gradually remove each blade and then hold the plane to ransom.

Oh yeah, you can take the full tour of the fusion as it is known at the Gillette site for h@x0rs. Get it, they hack up your face so they are L337 h@x0rs...... That's it I'm going to Moe's.

Thanks Mike!

More ridiculousness

I mean really, who cares whether a member of parliament is seen wearing a particular team's colours in the house. This is almost as stupid as the attempted ban a few weeks ago of the word 'mate' in parliament house. Something our insano prime minister decided was actually ok after being called unaustralian and the shortest man ever. Man this is a long rambling pointless post about a pointless ban that has very little to do with the state of the water crisis in the murray/darling catchment area. My opinion is that people should be able to wear football colours to parliament and nobody should be able to stop them!

Dumb Quotations About Hurricane Katrina

With a week gone past it is more than time to continue the humourousness (it's a word, I swear) about Katrina. So here are some of the best Dumb Quotations About Hurricane Katrina. President bush seems to be involved in most of them so you know the standard of thing I'm talking about here people.

My favourite would have to be:
13) "We finally cleaned up public housing in New Orleans. We couldn't do it, but God did." –Rep. Richard Baker (R-LA) to lobbyists, as quoted in the Wall Street Journal

Via J-Walk Blog

Oh yeah, one more bonus pic for you...

Katrina Kaption Kompetition

Well I know its in bad taste, but everyone has to have the odd laugh at crazy things every now and again, so we're back with some more caption madness.

This image got it all started.



I got it all started: "President Confused by Satellite Picture of Hurricane"
Bush – “looks to me like this hurricane is only about a foot across, it can’t do much damage”

Mykl: "Bush: How can people say I'm not doing enough for the people of New Orleans? look how far up my sleeves are rolled, I must be working hard. I've even taken off my tie! Jeez, what more do people want? "

Patrick: "Scientician: Now if you observe here the centroid of the low pressure..blah blah blah
Bush (thinking): I gotta get me one of these big screen TVs for my ranch...."

Lance: "The weather channel is sooooo boring, lets watch Benny Hinn!"

Mykl: "Bush (thinking): What am I gonna have for lunch today? Nachos? Mmmmmmm...nachos..."

Lasonovich: "So as you can see Katrina came nowhere near Texas.
Bush “Excellent, that’s all I need to know"

Lasonovich: "Bush (thinking): Man I’m so drunk right now…."

Lance: “Mr President, we are holding your daughters in this location, exactly where you asked them to be held"

Mykl: "And as you can see here, Mr President...hey, wait a minute...thats not him, thats just a wax dummy!!"

Lasonovich: Bush “we’ll thake the spruce goose”
Meteorologist “but sir”
Bush “I said hop in…..”

Lance: “Mr. President I’m sorry but this is not a good location to hold the next UN summit”

Mykl: "Mr President as you can see this monitor is completely f*cked, its just showing all this blue fuzz."
"Mmmm hmmm. Good work, Johnson. I'm glad you notified me of this immediately. I'll get a new monitor for you - you can count on it. This white house staff tea room will not be TV-less, not on my watch, no sir."

Patrick: "Bush: what's all that blue stuff.
Guy: er, that's the Ocean Mr President.
Bush: Ocean, eh? well you learn something new every day...."

Plus some bonus pics for fun.

Thanks Mykl

There's only one way to help the flood victims after Katrina..


Thanks Denis.

The Art of Skittlebrau

For years mankind has dreamed of a beer that is both refreshing and filled with skittles. This guy goes back to an olde simpsons episode and actually gets round to inventing skilltbrau. Although his first attempt with Coors light (which is a terrible beer) is kind of successful I think he needs to refine the process a little more. In its current incarnation the process appears to be similar to a drunken high school experiment from a few years back which ended up with a number of ruined beers. But its not enough to stop me, so get skittlebrauing.

Thanks Mike!

More Bush Gold

Aaah Bush, I think the news agencies are intentionally trying to take the piss out of him these days...

BMW Authorities Vehicles

Everyone knows that BMW's are some seriously cool automobiles, the M3 is a prime example with supercar performance hidden under the bonnet of a car that's urban camoflague means you won't be facing a carjacking every five minutes. I dunno if that really made any sense but now onto something even cooler. I never really thought about the kinds of things that car manufacturers would do to sell cars to law enforcement agencies but there are some damn cool ideas. Like this BMW 5 series that comes equipped with a submachine gun. Just what you need when chasing down those chimps who stole your M3. Plus you can outfit the sucker with plenty of lights and other gadgets, so I'm going to get me a couple of these for fun.

'Miracle mouse' can grow back lost limbs

Sweet, at last a mouse that is suitable for my collection of genetic super freaks. This little sucker has the magical superpower of being able to regenerate limbs. That's a damn site more useful than some of the other crappy inventions that scientists have been striving for like x-ray vision and the ability to seamlessly detect when a commercial break is finished so you can switch back to the right channel. I for one welcome our genetic superlords and will be praising them with a donation of GM soy as soon as I can find a truck big enough for my needs.

Free Chimp Genome!!

Finally my years of toil in the lab will at last have a genome to refer to and conduct strange genetic experiments on. You too can also get your free copy of the chimp genome for use as a spray on aftershave or as a small battleship to protect you from the evil gorilla invasion. So don't wait, order your copy now and be forever grateful that you too can look at a chimp and go "i know what's in your genome".