Friday, December 23, 2005

Drunk Santa

This will probably be the last update for the year. Thanks to all the regular readers and a big thanks to anyone who has sent me anything vaguely amusing that has been included in the blog. Without you I would've had to waste even more time looking up crap on the internet. I'll be back in early January to hopefully provide something slightly interesting to amuse you all during your long boring work days. In the meantime I say, go and get drunk and then try and play this Drunk Santa game. Its pretty crap and will give you about 30 seconds of enjoyment, so its a lot like this blog!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Everyone!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

El mega SUV

The size and functionality of SUVs grows more and more ridiculous each and every day. This fine Brabus Unimog takes the concept to even more ridiculous levels. What really annoys the crap out of me is the fact that they claim the vehicle could be used around town as well as for a quick trip up into the mountains or desert. I mean seriously people, if you are driving one of these suckers around town I hope someone intentionally rams you off the road. This truck should be confined to desert warfare or car polo. The only two true uses of large SUVs.

Scared of Santa!

Pretty much every single little kid is scared of Santa. I mean he's a big, fat and sweaty guy all wrapped up in some evil smelling felt. Plus he's usually had about 3 bottles of rum before heading to work which makes for added terror. In this phine photogallery you can see the effects of scary santa. In memory of this gallery I have crafted some new lyrics to Santa Claus is coming to town.

You better not laugh,
You better damn cry
You better damn pout
I'm telling you why
Cause Santa Claus is coming to town
He's drinking the rum
And feeling up mum
he's going to find out what assault is all about
Cause Santa Claus is coming to town

He knows when you are sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows how to make you bad, girl
So be warned for goodness sake


There he is, look at how drunk and surly he is!

Thanks Denis!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Futurama Rises from the Dead

Aaaah Futurama, a few years ago it was canned, supposedly due to lack of support. I don't know anything about when it was on in the US, but over here in Aus in was on at like 11pm on Tuesday nights or something stupid. Clearly not the best time to be attracting an audience, although late night comedies seem to be something of a tradition for the el crappo Seven network. Scrubs is another example of an excellent show that they ruined by only showing it late at night and not in any form of sequence or with a regular timeslot. But rumours are abounding that Futurama may be relaunched! Now this would be a turn up for the books because in my humble opinion after watching all the dvds that the show was only really getting going around the 4th and final season. So this relaunch would enable us to re-enjoy a show and hopefully reattract an audience that will give it a Simpsons like run.

Truck Drifting

Now this is what I call some serious driving. Take a large truck, one serious driver and a stupid windy turny course covered in plenty of loose dirt and you have the ideal track for some truck drifting. This guy gets some serious sideways action out of the truck, much like me driving a 1000 hp rwd dodge viper in Gt4 without any traction control on. The only difference is that this guy is actually out there driving whereas I'm sitting on my ass like a lazy hobo. Still its a damned cool video.

The Beerbelly

The bane of many Australian men is their perfectly chiseled abs and complete lack of a beer belly. Many ladies out there want a complete man, with a rotund front portion that can be used as a comfy cushion and can act as an additional food supply in times of crisis. But now all those chiselled abs can be transformed into the greatest invention known to attendees of football games, concerts and any other event where drink prices are 800% of normal, the Beerbelly. What it does is enable you to fill your "belly" with fresh, cool, crisp, cheap, comfy beer. Then you stroll into the venue of your choice without any obvious signs that you are carrying half a case other than your sexy, smooth beer belly. This will increase your state of inebriation, make you super attractive to the ladies and save you millions on over priced drinks. Stupendous isn't it.

Napoleon Dynamite Mosaic

I cannot believe that I missed this auction. I mean how good is this fine fine Napoleon Dynamite Mosaic made entirely out of lego. The winning bid was like $500, this would be so worth it. In fact if I had more time and didn't have a life I'd consider constructing one of these myself. Its pretty damn cool and would've taken a few hours to construct but it was so worth it.

Genetic Super Monkey's Stolen

My plan for my genetic super army has been stolen by Stalin (Hey, that rhymes). Forget the fact that Stalin was around years before me and was actually in charge of his own army instead of just a lunchbox like me, it remains patently obvious that his idea was stolen from me and from this blog in fact. Many of my regular readers will notice that throughout the blog I frequently reference my genetic super monkeys and comment on their progress from stem cells through puberty and into pure killing machines. Now this Stalin pansy has claimed to come up with a bunch of theories that claim he was trying to cross breed humans and apes. Well, good luck to him I say, I already tried that route and despite the promises of easy gratification the monkey men that were produced were of low quality and poor intellect. So get a brain Stalin and give up, its my plan and I've already patented the technology.

Look at him, he just gave himself all those medals and never even finished his super monkey project.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Steve Martin Comic Genius

I guess I never really thought about the fact that Steve Martin might in fact have a website and keep a whole bunch of articles that he wrote online along with a bunch of other stuff that made my day marginally more interesting. I guess the fact that I didn't realise this makes me an idiot and as an idiot I demand that all other idiots join together in reading stuff By Steve about Steve and everything else. The worlds greatest movie is still the Man with Two Brains so don't ever forget that and keep the drinks coming.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Cheddar Cheesus

Heh, its a pun or play on words Cheesus = Jesus. You get it!!! Idiots, can't even come up with a good pun. This Cheddar Cheesus does look mighty tasty. I wonder if its sacreligious, because that's always a good selling point for cheese. What I must now do it go out into the world and spread the word of the mighty cheesus and make sure you all bow down before his mighty power. The monkeys back at the lab have already been infected with as much cheesus as they can handle. Generally I find that 18 litres of cheesus will kill an average chimpanzee, so generally I give them around 15 litres and see what happens.

Thanks Mike!

43 Pranks to Play at Work

In the spirit of dodgy christmas parties and drunken office mischief comes a colleciton of 43 Pranks to Play at Work. Many of these pranks probably would get you fired but hey if you are not happy with your job and need something to really annoy your boss then these pranks might just be the thing to spice up your flagging enthusiasm.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Alphabet Typing Speed Challenge to the Max

Just some random game that gets you to test how fast can you type the alphabet. After a couple of attempts I got down below 5 seconds but supposedly some guy did it in 1.328 seconds and the video is there to prove it. So looking for something to waste five minutes then have a few attempts at this wacky adventure. I remember those dodgy typing challenge games that they used to make for the commodore 64 and old pcs, I wonder if they still do those kinds of things.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Own Clyclotron

A cyclotron at home?!!! Alright, imagine the radioactive particles you could make with that sucker. Instead some concerned local residents are trying to prevent Mr Cyclotron from fulfilling his dreams and ambitions of being the best backyard particle physicist this side of the andromeda galaxy. No doubt a cyclotron of this nature is perfectly safe and in the hands of a trained professional would only be used for good and not making death rays.

Military Food

I know now how the US military spends its trillions of dollars. Its on developing HOOAH energy bars. This rugged, american style bar provides soldiers with all the energy they need for tank driving, torturing and listening to death metal to calm down at the end of a long day. Man I could go for a power sauce bar right about now, I mean a hooah bar. What a stupid name, hooah, really which creative genius came up with that one. Someone down at the olde military intelligence I bet.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

World Cup Draw

Well I'm back. Hopefully everyone found some interesting midget wrestling sites to keep themselves amused during my long absence. On a more interesting note this morning saw the draw for the world cup 06. Now Australia has drawn a pretty awesome group up against Brazil (Australia has no chance), Croatia (if we are damned lucky) and Japan (Probably a 50/50 bet). Now this group looks pretty damned hard for Australia to get out of with more than maybe one win. If they succeed in getting a result against Croatia then they might have a shot but there is no way in hell I can ever see them beat Brazil, unless the whole Brazilian side is struck down with dengue fever before the match. So see the official draw here! Some other interesting games will be Argentina v Netherlands and Togo (my tip for the cup) against Korea, be sure not to miss that one.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Away for a bit

To all my faithful readers, I'll be escaping from the boredom of Canberra for a week or so and heading up the coast to the happiest place on earth. Now if I get sued for saying that then its not my fault becuase maybe I really am going to disneyland. In the meantime someone please order me a copy of The 176 Stupidest Things Ever Done so I can plan how to spend the christmas holidays. I'm expecting 80 copies on my doorstep when I get back by around the 12th December. Enjoy!!