Monday, October 31, 2005

Wax on Wax HOFF

Just do it, go on just go and Wax HOFF. I don't need to ask you twice do I?? We all want to see what Hoff has got under that man fur so get waxing and take off all the crapola leaving you with a clean shaven and freaky looking Hoff. Aaah the Hoff, all this time people are making fun of him and he just doesn't seem to get it. When he was out in Australia recently he seemed genuinely pleased to have the attention but everyone was just laughing at him. Crazy Hoff.

Dancing Yoda!

Yoda is not generally known for his dancing antics but in this not really amusing video you can see him dance!! Acutally I don't know why the hell I'm blogging about yoda dancing, I mean the video is lame and the whole thing could do with a few more explosions. What I really need is some beers and pork, maybe a whole pig or two and a couple of cases of crownies and I'll be sorted.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Space Time Projector

Hmmmm, thank you for your space time! That seems to be the main message of this mighty strange space time projector that in fact is a machine for looking into the past. Well kind of, I don't really know how to describe it except as an art project that's gone crazy with power. Muhahahhahhahahha. I especially recommend downloading the vides of the thing working because just reading about it doesn't quite do it justice.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Heroic Destiny Squad

I don't quite not to say about Heroic Destiny Squad, other than thank you rants in your pants for pointing me to perhaps the greatest site in the history of the internets. Besides the fact that these guys are the "world's #1 real life professional hero team!", they also seem to have a conscience and can write many fine articles for your consumption. Some of the awesome topics under discussion include "Canlelight Vigils are Gay" and "Communism Sucks: Here's Why". So get reading and stop hassling my monkeys for more cranberry juice. They're stomping those berries as fast as they can!

Semi 3d Vision

3d tvs and the like are going to become more and more prominent as our consumer demands for virtual reality total immersion football become more and more pressing. In some ways this semi 3d vision is a lot more interesting than the other 3d tv I blogged about a while back. At least with this one you'd feel kind of immersed in the action, although the concept generally seems to be for computer usage rather than "total immersive 3d world cup 2006"(tm) technology that I'll be releasing in the next few weeks.

Look at him gooo!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

More rice boy love.

Well now all you rice boys can keep your rice cooking with a page with updates for the gtr proto that I blogged about the other day. It doesn't stop it sucking compared to the ferrari but it might keep you happy for a little while. What I don't get is why I someone can't pay me to take both cars out on the track and test them out. I mean seriously I'm an accredited race car driver with millions of hours at the track and I'd clearly be able to do a stable and accurate comparison after 10 beers.

Mini Empire Strikes Back

Wow, its amazing what 211k can actually contain considering word and excel seem to automatically generate files of huge size with the simple addition of some text. Well now you can see the complete mini empire strikes back. With all the key features and some awesome CGI that eclipses what most hollywood studios are making these days. So this will even more for all those chimps out there still on 56K, so get to it people.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Mechanoid Chimp

I try to keep abreast of all the latest chimp news around the world but often find myself falling behind due to my feeble monkey butlers eating the newspaper rather than giving them to me. Well it turns out that someone has created a true mechanoid chimp that can eat drink, launch nuclear missles and throw faeces with the best of them. Actually this thing would be damned freaky, it supposedly tracks you around the room with its eyes that glow in an evil red colour. I dunno though, I might try a thousand of these in a room with a thousand typewriters for a few years, maybe they'd have more success than my current monkeys.

Via J-Walk Blog

Uncyclopedia

Hmm since the idea behind a wiki is that anyone can edit them and come up with any kind of content I guess there was always going to be an Uncyclopedia for all the N00B morans out there. Basically its a complete load of crap but its pretty funny and also includes the undictionary for definitions of all those L337 words that you don't understand.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Bling Master

In the history of the world there has been no greater product than one that offers to protect your bling! But wait, there's more!!! The revolutionary technology uses nanotechnology and buzzwords to provide the greatest possible protection for you and your bling. Don't ask how much it costs just order your own Bling Master right now!!!! I think if I add a few more exclamation points it will become much clearer to you!!!!!! As an added bonus it comes in three handy sizes and can be used to protect your gold encrusted body from the harsh harsh rays of the sun.

Thanks Mike!

Go GW

GW just can't seem to get enough of offending people, saying stupid things and doing even stupidier things. If the link doesn't go right there then scroll down to the The Teenager in Chief section to find some more amusing GW pics. The man just can't seem to understand how the world works and going around patting people's heads doesn't exactly make for the most normal presidency.

Thanks Kathleen!

GT-R Prototype for rice boys

So to all of you who couldn't handle the ferrari from yesterday I saw waaaaaa. When nissan or anyone can make a car that looks half as good as the ferrari I'll eat my hat. This GT-R Prototype is designed specifically to pander to your feeble feeble tastes. With plenty of steel going round and a whole lot of sharp angles its basically a 350Z that they've added some bonnet scoops onto. Now I know this claim is going to cause howls of derision amongst all the rice boys but oh well what do I care?

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Whoop Ass Drink

I'm gonna open a can of whoop ass on yo ass so big that it contains about 200ml of tasty tasty beverage. No seriously people you can find your own Whoop Ass Drink in Canadia, and other fine countries where you can get people to ship you stuff from Canadia. Aaaah Canadia, home of the mounties, land of mooses and elks plus a whole heap of snow and energy drinks like this one. I better get some of this drink soon I can feel the effects of that case of redbull wearing off.

Best looking car!

I dunno about you but this new ferrari launched at the tokyo motor show has to be the finest looking car I've seen, ever. The Ferrari GG50 is just a plain stupendous piece of driving excellence. Sure you'd probably blow the engine in the first 5 days you had it, but if you had the money to buy one of these suckers you'd just go ahead and buy another one.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Made-up words in The Simpsons

Wikipedia the greatest source of information in the known universe has done it again. A list of Made-up words in The Simpsons. There are many cromulent words in there that have embiggened the souls of the most beverine filled individuals. Lousy Smarch weather!

Monday, October 17, 2005

Hmm freaks and weirdos

Now I knew that this plan was crazy yet brilliant, like my idea to drive a car full of monkeys under the sea to create some real sea monkeys, but this is one of the more bizairre things I've seen on the net for a while. Basically some guy decided to take advantage of this north american flight dealy, where for $3500 a month you can fly anywhere you want in North America. So what does he do, flies all the time to as many destinations as possible in an attempt to rack up 1,000,000 frequent flyer points. Sure they'd be useful but I dunno how much time I could spend flying all over the country just to get more free flights. Oh well.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Huge Cat !!

I think our cat might be related to this little puppy. He was headed in this direction until we decided to stop feeding him 8 cans of food/hour. It looks like some kind of world record show so my guess is that this is possibly the fattest cat in the world. I wonder if his problem is just glandular or if he is actually the fattest bastard because his evil owners feed him way too much.

UFO Maps

More fun with google maps for yo all, now you can keep an eye on UFO sightings by using this pretty cool tool. Aaah look out there has been a sighting near springfield!!! The sightings seem to be restricted to ye olde USA but that's where most of the freaks and nutballs are anyway. Now I"m not saying that there aren't any UFO's but if they were here we'd sure as hell know about it. What do they gain by hanging around in the skies just appearing to drunk country bumpkins?? Nothing, that's what.

The real reason GW picked Harriet Miers

I originally thought GW had picked Mike Myers as the new supreme court judge, because all I saw was a headline 'Myers for Supreme Court', but it turned out I was badly mistaken and instead he'd picked known conservative and best buddy Harriet Myers. I think Mike Myers would have made a much better judge, in court he'd be all like "Behave" and do forth. Maybe I'm being too optimistic thinking it'd be all cool like those Austin Powers movies with Mike Myers and instead it'd turn out like that "View from the top" movie with Myers. Maybe I'm already drunk, but if you really want to know the reason GW picked Harriet Myers there's no better source of information than fafblog.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Ford GT versus Gran Turismo 4

This has gotta be one of my dreams, to actually get out there on a real racetrack and compare GT4 with a real race car. Well any car should do, if you own a dodge viper in real life you should be able to take the viper out on the track and compare your times with your times in GT4. Looks like generally people go slower in real life than in the game, but you'd expect that because driving 250kmh over the crest of a hill in real life is a heap harder than in some game where if you slam into the wall it doesn't matter too much.

Monday, October 10, 2005

He talked exactly what I wanted to hear

Aaah its been a while since the GW bashing reached its peak but at this point its time to revive the tradition. This fine moofie spells out the genius behind GW. You can see first hand how a GW speech comes together, from the initial card session, to sleeping on it right up to the local american's view. So watch this fine moofie and see some GW gold.

Thanks Ingi!

DARPA Grand Challenge 2005

This is still the coolest race in the history of mankind. I blogged about it last year and how pov all the robot cars were. Last year none of the robots made it more than a tiny way into the course and most of them blew up for no apparent reason after colliding with a small sandhill mysteriously laced with dynamite. Well this year's DARPA Grand Challenge proved to be much mroe of a success, 3 of the cars actually finished the 131 mile course within the 10 hour time limit proving once and for all that robots are our overlords and will soon be using us purely for nutrinets. Oh, by the way, the winner was called Stanley and was from Stamford Uni!

This isn't the winner but eh, whatever.

Moran's Beef

While perusing the internet this morning I came across this fine site that showcases the best of the flexible packaging world. Now I didn't realise there was awards for this kind of thing, or even that people would bother designing a huge website that showcased everything. What I really like though is the attention to detail and the huge number of morans who actually think this kind of stuff is important. Can you imagine the awards ceremony?? Best new product in the area of Packaging Exellence goes to "Moran's Sirloin Patties".

Friday, October 07, 2005

Catapult

The name is very apt, I mean it really doesn't have much to do with what a traditional catapult is all about but you certainly do get to pult a few cats. So there'd nothing finer for a lazy dog dangling friday afternoon that to play catapult for a few minutes or hours to help relieve stress.

You didn't expect the spanish inquisition

No you didn't expect the spanish inquisition, but now you can thanks to the scripts to every Monty Python's Flying Circus episode you can now work out exactly when the Spanish Inquisition is going to enter the room. Oh yeah...

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our four...no... amongst our weapons.... amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again."

Thursday, October 06, 2005

3D TV

For those who grew up in the 80s the future has always promised three dimensional TV. I mean how cool would it be to be able to walk around the screen you are looking at for a different view. Although this TV can't quite manage that, supposedly it can generate images with depth and without wacky glasses. I can't wait for real 3D TVso that you can walk around and look at the soccer from whatever angle you want, but in the meantime I'll just have to get drunk.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Nicobeer

Mmmmmmmm Nicotine beer. Fresh on the news of nicowater, nicopowerade and nicotang comes nicobeer. The product that gets you hooked to drinking and smoking. Actually I was drinking some bitburger on the weekend and happended to notice that in spanish they are now warning people that beer is addicitve. This nicobeer can only help the situation, imagine the cravings if you stopped smoking and drinking all at once.

Rock Paper Scissors Extreme

Anything that is extreme has to be better, right? Well rock paper scissors has gone extreme with 25 hand signals to keep you guessing for hours. Was that the cockroach or the monkey? Well find out and soon your games of RPS will be bigger and better and more confusing than ever. So what are you waiting for? Still finishing that 8th burrito of the morning, let it go people and go find out how to make your rock paper scissors so much better.

Thanks Mike!

Rocket Racing

I know that every weekend I get a feeling, a feeling that somehow somewhere someone should be doing more to make racing more exciting. I mean there are millions of car races, boat races and all other kinds of races but what about humble rocket racing. I mean everyone ones to get up in one of these suicidal death machines and take it for a spin at a few hundred kph. Think of the thrills and the crashes (supposedly crashes will be prevented by GPS) and just think of how much fuel these suckers will burn, making your petrol that little bit more expensive. Sounds like fun really.