Photos from Straya

Yeah, yeah the photos of straya winning are in some kind of backwards order but that doesn't stop them being the greatest victory in the history of strayan soccer. There are some mighty blurry photos in there but there is one of every penalty and random other moments throughout the game and afterwards so get looking. The crowd on that night was just amazing, I have never seen a crowd that didn't want to leave and keep partying as much as that one.
I mean look at these likely candidates they would have started a riot if it wasn't for some tight security.

Kegbot is Kool

Hmmm, with a name like kegbot I was expecting some kind of beer fuelled robot that would go around picking fights and trying to chat up women but I was all wrong. Instead the kegbot keeps an electronic eye on your drinking habits first of all by keeping stock of your beer supplies and making sure you order more with plenty of time to spare. In addition the kegbot keeps track of how many you've had in each session and if you try to drive when sloshed grabs you by the balls and stops you going anywhere (may not be completely true). So someone go out and order some production model kegbots to keep track of my beer habits.

'Beer goggles' effect explained

Many men and women over many years have noted the effects of beer goggles. Well the answer to how much beer goggles have effected you is as simple as the following formula.

KEY TO FORMULA

An = number of units of alcohol consumed
S = smokiness of the room (graded from 0-10, where 0 clear air; 10 extremely smoky)
L = luminance of 'person of interest' (candelas per square metre; typically 1 pitch black; 150 as seen in normal room lighting)
Vo = Snellen visual acuity (6/6 normal; 6/12 just meets driving standard)
d = distance from 'person of interest' (metres; 0.5 to 3 metres)

Scoring:
Basically if you score <1 the person is ugly regardless
between 1 and 50 means slightly less unattractive
50-100 means a pretty decent improvement,
>100 means that ugly people look like super models.

Pretty interesting research really, and I'm sure the scienticiens who did the research spent so many hours in the pub that they tested every single hyposthesis thoroughly.

Letters to Christopher Walken

Why is Christopher Walken such a cult figure. Why does he inspire people to do such strange things as get a bunch of kids to write Letters to Christopher Walken. Some highlights include "I liked you in deer hunter. For christmas I want a tesla coil". WELL everyone wants a Tesla Coil for christmas don't they!!!! Well you ain't going to get it kid, because Walken is evil and instead will deliver the plague. mu hahahahhahah.

Hummer H2 Joke

So it turns out that the hummer H2 that looks like some toy tonka truck is officially a joke. OK, maybe the news source ain't so official and maybe the H2 looks kinda cool covered in gold and used to ram children in the playground but basically this 'car' is completely pointless. Its just huge and provides no obvious benefits over a more standard size 4WD (the original hummer is the one that the military use). So way to chew up our natural resources mr h2.

Now this is an auction

This collection of cars is something that I'll be bidding all the pennies I won down at the arcade on. Some gems include James Bond's 1964 Aston Martin, some old Ferraris, Jaguars etc. Just look at the automobile history you could be owning right here. You could get them all together and then burn them to increase the value of all the other luxury cars you are currently keeping in your collection, now that'd be thinking.

Long Stuff

The website has a damned long address and the site is filled with nothing but the collection of lists of longest stuff. For instance the longest coaster in the world can be found at Nagashima Spaland in Japan and is almost 2.5km long. Pretty sweet if you ask me. The longest moustache in the world for all those attempting Movember is around 12.5 feet so you've got a bucket load of work to do in the next 10 days fools.

Alien Seeds

I dunno about the validity of the claims of this particular weirdo that he got these magical alien seeds from some crazy diner but the story certainly makes for some interesting reading. I dunno what I'd do if I had some alien seeds, maybe I'd plant the aliens in my backyard or inject them into some fool I didn't like just to see what happened.

Aussies finally win

STRAYA!!!!

Finally we have stepped into a new age for Australian Football. After many false dawns and so many heartbreaking losses we have finally qualified for the world cup! I'll post my pictures from the amazing scenes at Stadium Australia as soon as I can so you can all revel in the glory of victory. In the meantime let me award Australia the prize for finally getting the monkey off their backs and doing it for Johnny Warren whose spirit possessed the players and fans on the night.

Australia v Uruguay

I try to keep this blog as free from my own pathetic thoughts and opinions as possible, to enable my reading audience to better underestimate the power of the internets in their own homes. So if you don't want to read a lot of my own opinion and editorial then stop reading now and look at these Soccer Bloopers. If you chose to read on then this video accurately portrays Australia's level of skill in soccer over the last 30 years. It has been one calamity after another with some excellent teams falling at such memorable hurdles as New Zealand, Iran and a drunken posse of hobos. So why must this year be different? Why must Straya step up to the plate and take one last swipe at world cup qualification? Because if they don't succeed this year then we will enter a wilderness of another 30 years of boredom.

Basically in my humble opinion without qualification for next year's world cup Australian soccer will undergo the following tradgedies:

1. The A-league will fail. This will be largely due to the fact that fans are so dissatisfied with soccer that they will stop attending the games. This would leave the league without any income and a bunch of retired English and Japanese players whose only goal is to get drunk.

2. Australia's top players will soon retire. Although this may not seem like a bad thing for many people there is no one left to take over the reigns. We have very few up and coming players of any note and our U23 and U17 sides have performed poorly over the last few years.

3. Les Murray will retire. He will become so frustrated with Australia's lack of skill and the loss of his sidekick Johnny Warren that he will retire to Spain and live the life of a bandido.

4. There will be rioting on the streets of Sydney. This will mainly be caused by me, who will go crazy with power and rage and use my collection of boat flares to set fire to the olympic stadium.

All of these factors will lead to the demise of the game in this country where it will be replaced by underwater hockey and competitive croquet. So come on Straya, do it for the little guys who want to see the beautiful game actually take off in this country. The Uruguayans have played every mind trick in the book to convince the Socceroos that they can't do it. Well ignore the crap and take this game by the balls and show that we can actually compete on the international stage in a manner befitting the greatest sporting nation on earth.

GO STRAYA!!!!!!!

Update! My photos of Australia v Uruguay are now available for perusement.

Land on mars

I remember a few years ago all the talk that you could buy land on the moon. Well thats not the only spot in the solar system where prices are expected to skyrocket. Coming soon to a space holiday near you is Mars. With all the benefits of a lack of atmosphere and searing hot days and cool, cool nights and the best cocktails this side of the andromeda galaxy, Mars is the ideal spot to purchase your next plot of land. But wait this auction has ended, but the seller has many more packages to sell and I'm sure they're all guaranteed title for when you want to move. So get cracking and buy the next big internet fad so that you too can soon own more land on mars.

Thanks Adam!

Best new stuff

I love new stuff, in fact the newer the stuff the better. Well this site doesn't just give you new stuff it also claims that this new stuff is the best new stuff of 2005. How can they jusge these awards when there is still 6 weeks of the year left I'll never understand. What happens if some guy comes out with a teleportation device within the next few weeks. Where will this list be then, hey?! Nowhere, thats where. They'll be the laughing stock of the stuff community and may be forced to withdraw or update their list to the derision of the world community.

Thanks Denis!

He's going back for more

Look, he's drinking the water!!!!! He's going back for more!!!!!! Those drinking bird toy thingees are the coolest ever. But now some genius has decided to make giant ones and use them in an art show. They look pretty freaky and are acutally a lot more interesting than most of the 'art' you see these days. I mean any genius can paint a white picture, this is both creative and amusing.

Beer For Dogs

Now I know my mutt would enjoy a cleansing ale as much as the next dog, so that's why some crazy fools got up and invented Beer For Dogs. The only problem is that its non alcoholic. Isn't the whole point of having beer for dogs to get your pet drunk. I wanna watch them stumble about comically for my amusement. Making up for the lack of alcohol is the fact that the beer is beef flavoured. Now there is a product I wanna see, real beef flavoured alcoholic beer, tasty.

Aliminium Hats Won't Save You

To stop the government spying on you, everyone knows that you have to wear an aliminium hat and hang as many coat hangers up as you can. Well this definitive scientific study conducted by real scienticians will prove once and for all that aliminium hats are in fact a government conspiracy themselves. Wearing the hats actually enhances reception in areas of the spectrum used for mobile phones, gps etc. So take those hats off quick and head down to your local government office to complain.

How to win friends and influence people with paper aeroplanes

Now everyone knows that the height of design ingenuity and manual dexterity is the construction of the world's greatest paper plane. I'm not sure whether the claims of this one being the greatest ever are completely justified but it looks like it would fly a fair old distance. It also doubles as mild amusement at work when you are sick of sleeping under your desk. So get folding and make sure you don't forget the 14 layers of duct tape.

Teleportation Now

Everyone wants Teleportation Now. Who isn't sick of long flights to go overseas. The long drive down the road to purchase some more bacon. The fact that once you got the bacon you realised that you'd run out of beer and you had to go back to pick up another pallet. I mean really, what the world needs is damned teleporation. Imagine you could become the biggest lard ass in the world because you don't have to move anywhere, ever to get anything.

How Einstein's wrong?!

This seems to be reporting that the world is going to end, that Einstein was in fact a freak and we all should believe that space aliens are now in charge of our minds. Well its all true!!! Einstein was wrong man. Well at least technically incorrect according to this article, but I did a bit more research on this whole topic and noticed that these claims may not be completely proven. If you are interested in some light reading on quantum physics then head over to this fine process physics site to work out exactly whats going on here.

Thanks Patrick!

Official Hobos

This so called Official Hobos page is about as quality as most hobos. It seems to be missing a fair amount of information and its ramblings were inspired by a madman. Yet it does contain an excellent likeness of some malt liquor as well as a few pictures of some high quality hobos. What more could you want to brighten your afternoon than a quiet laugh at some hobos. Remember hobos can be really mean or they can be totally awesome.

Thanks Mike!

Update: Mike also reminded me about this other hobo site. That deals with all the latest and greatest hobo news. I wish I was a hobo, sitting round drinkin malt liqour and pushing a shopping trolley. Sweet.

Beer Brewing Monkeys

If I had a dollar for every time i'd heard the story about how monkeys are actually smarter than us and brew their own India Pale Ale then well I'd have about -$15. Well it turns out its true, at least according to the highly reputable source "Modern Drunkard Magazine". Lets just pause for a minute here and consider the fact that there is a magazine called modern drunkard!!!! Where's my subscription, and why wasn't I informed in person by a gold-leaf embossed invitation?!!!?!??! Can you tell I'm excited!! Well I am and that was before the fact that I found out Monkeys could brew beer. I dunno how reputable the source is but if I've learned anything over the last few years its the simple fact that the internet is always right.

Mr. T In Your Pocket

I pity the fool that doesn't go out and purchase this novelty key chain of 1000 uses. You could use it to impersonate Mr T........... ummmmm. Actually that's about it. So shut up fool and go and purchase this mr t product or service. I wish they would just bottle the pure essence of T. Imagine the number of gold chains that would become attached to your neck without your knowledge. The sheer volume of fools that you would pity. It'd be pure gold.

Build your own Bat Cave

I noticed this yesterday and was a little perplexed. I mean seriously what are you going to do with a huge underground estate besides build a bat cave. You could equip it with all the latest gadgets and race cars around the miles of underground roads or you could do what no one would expect and open it as a new development to ease the over crowding in Europe. Actually it could be used for a whole bunch of stuff, not least of all as a stockpile for your nuclear weapons but whatever you did it had better be fun. Actually I could think of better ways to spend that amount of money such as buying your own island with a recording studio or something.

Death Laser

My eyes, My eyes!! The goggles do nooothing! Well at least thats the plan with this laser rifle. Capable of blinding a small rodent from a distance of less than 3 inches the laser will eventually have the power to take over the world. Maybe if I fitted some sharks with some of these weapons on their heads I'd have an unstoppable force of maximum destruction. But seriously the aim of this little sucker is only to provide temporary blindness. Ahh my cataracts, I can see! Oh, no there they go. But anyway if you're interested read about the death laser here and see what magical fun you could think up for this thing